Rob's Thoughts

Ever wonder if you’re only person who’s messed up?  Have you ever felt as if you are the only guy or girl with jacked up ideas, thoughts, motives, actions, and feelings?  I feel a little bit like that right now.  I spend my days sitting in 1 1/2 hour to 3 hour lectures on the BIBLE by professors who have studied it – full time – for decades; professors who get paid money to have an opinion about scripture and its application; professors who write books that people actually read, respect, and use in other colleges and seminaries.  And I spend my life around other students who are giving themselves to knowing the Bible better than most people in the world!   And it doesn’t take long for me to start feeling like I’m the only person on this campus who actually sins!

Today I was sitting in a lecture and the professor (an amazing man by the way) starts talking about Jesus being King of all creation.  And you know, at that moment a thought went through my head…”I wish I were King of creation.”  I was shocked at the thought.  It was Evil!  That thought is paramount to saying I wish I were God.  Wasn’t that the very same thought that got Satan thrown from heaven?!  I immediately repented and asked God to help me overcome my pride and selfishness.  But then I begin to wonder if anyone else had thoughts like that.  As I looked around all the other students seemed to have together.  They all ask really godly questions, and made really helpful comments during class, while the comment that runs through my brain is “I want to be God.”  My questions in class sometimes are no better, they seem silly and perhaps even a little bit selfish.  In fact, if I were to be totally honest sometimes I don’t ask questions because I’m afraid that I will reveal to the world how ignorant I am.  While other times I’m eager to ask a question that will make me seem really smart.  Chalk another sin up for Rob!

Yet as I ponder this, it occurs to me that my despair is absolutely unfounded.  Whether or not other people around me are committing the same types of sin, or even sinning at all has absolutely no impact on my standing before a holy God.  Perhaps that’s why the apostle Paul calls us not to compare ourselves with each other (2nd Corinthians 10:12).  Jesus died to save me in spite of how I measure up to others.  When we realize our sin, the correct response isn’t to ask ourselves, ‘I wonder if other people sin like this?’  Because, what if they do?  We will only feel more justified in our own sin.  Right?  And, what if they don’t?  We will only empty the grace of God in our lives by measuring ourselves to an insufficient standard.  No, instead the correct response is to repent and move forward trusting in the mercy of God for forgiveness and the grace of God for future strength.  Yet it still may be of some comfort for you all to know that, sadly, I am a horrible sinner.  Don’t use that as an excuse for your sin, but use it as strength to press on knowing that someone else is pressing on with you.